Ionians U14 Spring Tour to Blackpool

Ionians U14 Spring Tour to Blackpool

According to the “Good Book” the sun shines on the righteous, and on the weekend of 17th and 18th April the sun really shone down from a cloudless sky as I’s headed west for their two day end-of-season tour to Blackpool.
19 squad members accompanied by 26 parents climbed aboard their tour bus for an early start, with only a slight delay to the scheduled departure time of 8am as Richard Heelas, our very own version of Al Murray the “Pub Landlord”, orchestrated the packing of necessary life support for the trip..his assumption that 3 litres of Bombay Sapphire gin would be enough to satisfy the cravings of the mums was sadly way off the mark.
Boys at the back of the bus, Stoney’s i-pod blasting out wholly unintelligible rhythms via portable speakers, and we settled back for the 2 ½ hour journey across the M62, up-over-and down the other side of the Pennines into bandit country ( Lancashire) and an on-time landing at the venue for our first game-Fleetwood RUFC.
Anyone who has read our blog this season will understand why there were a few anxious frowns on the faces of the camp-followers ( the parents) as they took a look at the opposition warming up. “Here we go again” said the eternal optimist, Paul Willingham, “they’re taller and bigger than our lads—I don’t like the look of this”. Some of the parents were more phlegmatic..the sun is shining, the bar is open, the tour is actually for us, not the boys, what’s the problem ?
The answer came very quickly, as we all realised that the problem lay not on our side, but the opposition who were a couple of players short. In true democratic fashion our Leader ( PC) said “you and you”..you’ll play for them” and Normy and Luke traipsed off to integrate with their new team-mates.
Within a couple of minutes of the kick-off we had a good feeling about the game..a very good feeling. A big pitch, a wide pitch, a dry pitch and we had some real pace in our backs, with passing going to hand, not ground, real aggression at the breakdown, quick ball spun out wide and before we knew it we were 12 nil up as, first Jack Johnson, and then Wilko scorched over the line for fabulous tries. Fleetwood upped their game and pressurised our line, but there was real commitment in our defence, and we were adamant that they would not score. Two more tries from us and, hey, we’re 22 nil up. Minutes later and we are 27 nil up.
Now in every walk of life you come across someone who has that little bit extra, that indefinable something which sets them apart, and it was with a couple of minutes to go before half-time that our version of this decided that he had had enough of the backs stealing all the limelight and he wanted a bit of a mention in dispatches, if you please. 30 yards out, with a chorus from the touchline howling at him to pass the ball, a look of disdain from him in response, and showboating all the way, he waddled his way over the line to take us to a 32-nil lead at halftime. A big grin from ear to ear, a look in vain for the BBC to come and interview him, and a waggle of his hips as the ref blew for the restart, he decided his adoring public needed a bit more so off he went again, ball in one hand, opposition hanging off him and his trademark one-handed offload. Who on earth am I talking about ?
The second half was just as good as the first half with I’s playing some really top-notch stuff, extending their lead to 39-nil, before our hero once more went looking for the limelight, and surged over to take us past 40 points. Now it was a matter of how many we would score, and just as importantly making sure that Fleetwood didn’t. 3 more tries from us, dogged defence, and at the final whistle a huge round of applause as I’s ran off the pitch with a winning score of 61-nil.
In the bar after the game I’s were introduced to one of the novelties of touring..the kangaroo court. It was before this institution that our hero was brought to task, and with a well thought out judgment lasting two micro-seconds His Honour the Judge decided that our hero had no defence to the charge, no mitigating circumstances, and a verdict of guilty as charged.
Back on the bus and off to the Blackpool Pleasure Beach for the afternoon, where “real parents” like Karen Wilde passed up the chance of a stroll along the front to inspect winebars and chose instead to show the boys that you’re never too old for an adrenaline rush on “PepsiMax” or “Infusion”.
After checking in at the hotel, we were soon on the bus heading off for our eveing meal at The Gurkha “all-you-can-eat”. Despite being only a five minute trip, this was more than enough for “Al Murray” to fill all parents glasses with copious amounts of booze.
Back to the hotel, another Kangaroo court and for some reason they shut the bar at the unreasonable hour of 11 o’clock. Ever inventive, Al just opened his alternative hostelry on the grass outside and sometime in the early hours the last of the parents hit the pillow after a glorious all-round fun day.

Sunday dawned just like Saturday..blue skies and no clouds. The art of communication proved difficult for most of us after the rigours of the previous day and, apart from a few grunts and nods, breakfast passed in almost total silence.
On to the bus and off to our second game, against Blackpool RUFc. We had had vague warnings that they might be a sterner test than Fleetwood, but we were in confident mood at last. The warnings proved right..they were a well drilled bunch who knew what the game was all about and despite some fairly hard tackling by our guys they were 7-nil up within a few minutes. But we were here to play and play we did, with James Norton clawing the score back to 7-5 with a really well worked try in the left hand corner.
For the rest of the first half the late night before took its toll on I’s and Blackpool were able to apply some real pressure, breaking out of tackles, making hard yards, getting us on the back foot, and by the time the ref blew for half-time we were 19-5 down.
The second half was probably one of the best half’s of rugby you could wish to see from boys of this age..real competitive stuff, never say die attitude, and despite a final scoreline of 33-10 to Blackpool our guys made us all proud, particularly when they went the length of the field to score a great try in the right hand corner, after immense work from Heapy and James Norton.
Not done yet the boys headed off to spend the rest of the afternoon at the Waterpark, whilst most parents enjoyed a little bit of sun-soaking on the patios of various seafront hotels-cum-bars.
A very tired bunch arrived back at Brantingham later that evening. Had we really packed all this into just two days ..apparently so !
Where to next year ?